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Childhood Log

January 1st, 2010 admin No comments

Who's Minding Your Mind?

An innate part of the human condition is entrapment in our own thoughts. Like it or not, we are subject to the despotic whims and will of our thoughts and emotions, and do not even realize it. Thoughts pull us along like a team of wild horses galloping out of control, whipped on by the fury of the emotions. However, believe it or not, we are suppose to be the driver in control, but somewhere along life’s roadways, we handed over the reins.

Everything that goes through our heads in any one twenty-four hour period is perceived as ultimate truth. We rarely bother to pause and question the logic of it, or the likelihood of such imagining coming true. We automatically assume that if we are thinking it, it must be so. We lose perspective and are unable to even consider other possibilities or choices because the mind is so in the grip of its mental chatter.

For instance, you might worry about how you are going to pay your bills this month, given your limited income and the amount of what you owe. In your imagination, you see the limited amount of money in your bank account on one side, weighed against the stack of bills on the other side. You spend days on end worrying about this dilemma, turning yourself into a wreck, totally forgetting that this is your birthday month, and your parents, siblings, relatives, and maybe even friends, perhaps children, too, are going to give you some cash as birthday gifts. Maybe not every one of them will offer a gift of cash, but a few of them likely will. And the amount of cash you receive will more than help you meet your expenses for the month.

But the mind plays tricks on you. You’ve spent way too much time and energy in needless worry. When you open those birthday cards, and the checks and cash start falling out, don’t you feel like a fool?

That is only one example. Countless other examples exist that could support my position. But aside from that, since when did worry ever solve a problem? Nevertheless, we all foolishly indulge in it. However, it is possible to change the situation. It is possible to see these thoughts and feelings as mere `happenings’ or `events’ that temporarily appear in our heads and then die a peaceful death.

We can take a stance from which we may simply observe such happenings or events at a distance. In doing so, we automatically create more mental space around this mind chatter, and gain a broader perspective. Instead of thoughts and feelings carrying us along, like a log over stormy waters, we can see or experience ourselves as producing them under specific conditions and having options about how we choose to respond.

“Choose” or “choice” are the key words here. Generally, we are victimized by so much of what goes through our heads. But in merely becoming the observer of what is happening, without necessarily reacting to the demands of such thoughts and feelings, we are able to achieve a measure of liberation. All that is required is standing back, observing, and allowing that mental space to be created in which we can then permit ‘choice’ to enter, and from there decide whether we wish to react or not.

Of course, sometimes immediate reaction is demanded. In fact, sometimes a very quick reaction is demanded. For instance, when danger is present, a quick reaction may be prompted by the picture that pops into mind. If you don’t jump out of the way fast enough, that oncoming car will kill you. Generally though, this type of scenario only occurs once in a rare while. Most often, mindful observance of specific thoughts and feelings that pass through our heads on a daily basis only requires mere notice, without any reaction. It also provides a wonderful learning opportunity for the observer as to how one’s mind operates, especially as regards those habitual patterns of emotionally charged memories or thoughts.

One thought leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another, and so on, and in no time, you have become upset or angry. It is worthwhile to stand off and look at that to see how one thought morphed into the other, and how it emotionally dragged you along. In this way, the emotional hold of such a thought pattern is weakened, and over time will simply disappear. You do not have to analyze it or bother yourself by trying to determine when or why the thought pattern started. All you need do is stand back and observe, without judgment and without labeling. Merely be the disinterested observer.

Have you ever noticed that most of the distressed thoughts and feelings you have today are the same ones that ran through your head yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, ad infinitum? That is how these recurring thoughts and emotions hold a whip over us, day after day, driving us into states of fear, panic, restlessness, frustration, fatigue, worry, self-doubt, depression, and other such self-defeating states of mind.

The mindfulness technique helps us turn the tables on these self-defeating, recurring thought processes, and take back control of ourselves, and in a very real sense, control of our lives. It is especially helpful for those who have suffered abusive childhoods. Too often, something occurring in the present can trigger an emotional reaction dating back to a painful childhood event that jump starts a chain of emotions, memories, and thoughts. This chain reaction can be halted in its tracks by utilizing the mindfulness technique.

However, I do not wish to suggest that the mindfulness technique be used in place of psychiatric or psychotherapeutic treatment. Each person must discover for himself or herself what will work best for them, and thus pursue whatever course of therapy best serves. This is especially true for victims of childhood abuse.

The mindfulness technique does take time, and each of us must learn to be patient and kind to ourselves. Do not expect immediate success. After all, it took a while for the original negative thought process to develop in the first instance, so you can count on it taking a little while before it is totally quenched.

Mindfulness is a wonderful tool for eradicating old, habitual responses in the present based on bad habits formed in the past, often in the distant past. Such habits, which have now sunk deep into the psyche and have become autonomic in their behavior, can seem like quite a challenge to overcome. But that is not necessarily so, and actually they can be quite easy to grasp and overpower. In so doing, you empower yourself as well as gain back control over your life. Compassion and forgiveness toward others soon follows, and this is because you have learned compassion and forgiveness toward yourself.

Best of all, one comes to know the self better, gaining insights, as well as insights into the human psyche overall. That is because while utilizing the mindfulness technique, we do not judge or put labels on what is passing through our thoughts. We learn to be patient with and kind to ourselves, along with being non-judgmental. From there, it is a short step to feeling compassion and understanding toward others.

`Why bother?’ you may ask. `It seems like too much effort, and besides, I don’t want to get that self-conscious about myself. I’ve been managing okay up to now, and I’m sure I’ll go on managing.”

Of course, you don’t have to bother if you don’t want to. If you have been managing your frustrations, unhappiness, and dissatisfactions quite well up to this point in your life, then you can turn and walk away.

But I would first like to pose this question: If your negative, self-defeating thought processes are unpleasant and are not serving you, then why keep tolerating them? They are undermining your chances for success and happiness. Don’t you want success and happiness?

Mental habits that lead to depression, self-doubt, fear, worry, jealousy, anger, hatred, and other such less-than-delightful emotions cannot possibly serve you in any positive way, and in truth, are sabotaging your very life. Too often, too many people go on carrying all this heavy baggage around year after year.

You have to ask yourself, “What am I getting out of it?”

Sandra L. Lerner is the author of Connecting with Your Guardian Angel for Comfort, Protection and Guidance.

See http://www.Connectingwithyourguardianangel.com

About the Author

Sandra L. Lerner is the author of Connecting with Your Guardian Angel. See www.connectingwithyourguardianangel.com.
She also has written several articles on various topics that have been published on the web in the recent past.

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Childhood Log